It blows my mind that people see this as acceptable behaviour. Security at casinos is greater than that at Fort Knox. I understand where youre coming from, but even if this is exclusively his issue, joint therapy sessions can help each partner understand the others perspective. Last time I was there staying at the Cosmo some HR conference started in the hotel (funny as an HR person) He is seriously out of whack and I would not put up with him. Me: I dunno, man, that seems pretty significant to me. Agreed! Like Winter says . It isnt like the reputation just happened by accident. Actually if you go off the Strip theres quite a few things to see and do around Vegas (also non-gambler here), desert hikes, assorted museums (notably neon art & the mob), and my personal favorite the Pinball Hall of Fame which has 100+ playable pinball machines (old and new). You need your job and you need a good career trajectory, even assuming you and your husband stay together and nothing different happens in the future. I only want to know if hes going to be out so that Im not expecting him and can therefore do something else. From so many comments above, what people are missing here is that none of us knows whether the LWs husband is an anxiety sufferer or a control freak. That was plenty for me, for the social experience.). I also suggest that he seeks out personal therapy. Remember the man who wanted his female co-worker to dress like a Little House on the Prairie extra? If it's me, I would prefer stay home and rest till the baby gets older and low maintenance Do it!! In fact, were you inclined to cheat, you might be more likely to do so in a boring place where theres much less to do (j/k, kinda). Sure there used to be a lot of strip joints, etc., but now the most naked people are in the Cirque shows, and they just look naked. During the first trip I spent most of my time during the day sight-seeing by myself (or with tour groups) while my wife attended her conference and later meeting her and friends for dinner and evening events. I am sitting in my car at the airport catching up on AAM before I get back to life and guess where I came from? FWIW, I am a married woman and had to travel to Vegas many times for work, and had to drive to dozens of locations the entire time. It is easy to go to Las Vegas and behave responsibly. Its notable that he took a of survey of other people to bolster his position. Its not like people are forced at gunpoint to have sex with a rando when they deplane at McCarran. Never mind that this area was completely safe and middle-class; never mind that the apartment complex had 24-hour security; gated parking; never mind that this Mexican restaurant is not a whole in the wall, is regularly featured on Food Network, and is a regular spot for bringing out-of-town clients for virtually every company in our city. Try to stop expecting reasonable behaviour from your spouse when hes in this anxious state. Like, people bring their own experiences to the table here, so might feel invalidated or defensive when its suggested its the other explanation. Is he jealous he cant go with you? And shes the main provider in the family? She is bottle fed and was at that time, too, so if your LO is EBF, I'd say add more time. When my spouse was almost sent overseas on a long term work trip, I actually offered to go with him (and pay my own way) not because I was worried hed get up to something without being supervised, but because I travel frequently for work and he almost never does, so it seemed like the easiest way for me to just take care of stuff so that he wasnt stranded in a foreign airport without knowing what to do or how to make a phone call. I understand having those anxious thoughts, absolutely, especially if youve been cheated on in the past but if youre at the point of accusing your partner that theyll take some hypothetical opportunity to cheat and are foricng them to defend themselves from a purely hypothetical accusation, there are serious issues. Nevada decriminalized prostitution at the state level and left it to the counties. Speak to him about how he feels if you were to invite people over. Why wont he go on the trip with you? He stresses less when I go somewhere urban. I belong to a profession that has an annual convention in Las Vegas. I stayed once at Palms Place, the long-term stay part of the Palms that is set up like studio apartments with full kitchens. I agree that the OP should not even consider not going on the trip. And the wife discussing it as though its a reasonable position makes me SAD. But where I was from, the vast majority of the people in the regionhundreds of thousands, not just a handfulaccepted these beliefs as reasonable. Im someone who immediately leaps to the Worst Possible Scenario thanks to my anxiety. Speaking as someone whos wife spent 8 months of 10 days on site near Chicago, 4 days home over the last year after 8 years of her doing essentially no business travel, I know spouse separation anxiety far better than I care to both on my part, and my wife. But truly, its a secondary concern here. If so, maybe its just a weird fixationbut if he often has nervous, fearful, or otherwise disproportionate reactions to things, it might be worth seeing if he can get some help with that. Of course control issues are a possibility. Hes my partner, not my parent, not my keeper, and Im still a grown ass adult who gets to decide what I do with my life. Itd be easy for the husband to dismiss the wifes concerns as Well SHE wants to cheat. Ive lived in Vegas for over a decade and have attended many, many conferences here as well as in other cities. If you must have discussion, have them *later*, when everyone is calm. People who cheat assume everyone else will cheat, too. This is a great space to write long text about your company and your services. We of course send the Im here texts and goodnight and such. The reality of the place is really NBD. Your husband going on vacation without you is normal. These are normal things that a lot of people encounter at some point; if your relationship as it currently stands doesnt have room to address them, its past time to get some help to straighten it out. Maybe this is anxiety and maybe it isnt not every illogical or inappropriate behavior is mental illness but mental illness is never an excuse to be controlling or abusive. But my wife really worded it in a way to get the Im a crazy jealous husband. Being disabled doesnt give you carte-blanche permission to be a jerk.. Hes gotten better over time, but he still guilt-trips me before I leave and makes sad noises about how he misses me so much and we never spend enough time together. Almost every hotel on the strip has some sort of tourist attractions be it rides, shows, or other types of attractions and you can spend the entire day walking from hotel to hotel to see what they offer and have a great (and relatively cheap!) Give yourself permission tofeel hurt and angry. Not from the letter and not from the follow ups. Its either anxiety or abuse, or both, or neither; and none of those things address the husbands *behaviour* or the OPs next steps. Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. That sounds like you, AP but the LWs husband sounds like the former. If your partner has been in therapy for years and isnt making progress, its very possible that their therapist doesnt have the full picture. I gave the ring back soon after. If he doesnt trust you, and is otherwise not riddled with anxiety, whats causing that? Its just worth knowing that having a long list of good traits doesnt mean you arent in a problematic relationship, or that you cant choose nope for your own emotional health. If your husband has never traveled for business, and hasnt traveled much in his personal life, and his friends have similar life experiences, then its no wonder that hes created this scenario where all that happens in Vegas is affairs and crimes. Im also a Chicagoan with an irrational former fiance. Whats more surprising is that youre the main provider. Many commenters are acting as though the husband made up this poll of people (everyone) to agree with him, which is not what she wrote or what happened. Gamboling is a type of frolicking around without a care in the world. Even if it is a general anxiety issue, speaking as someone with plenty of personal experience with that, theres still a relationship issue here. What level of dealing with him can you actually do during these three days AND be able to focus on your work stuff? I wonder if there are other circumstances in which he exhibits similar behavior. ), but accommodating him a bit on that is reasonable, in my book and most importantly, has zero to do with his feeling ownership of me or thinking his wishes trump my work demands, and more to do with just wanting to be sure Im safe. Also, they have very little money, so we are . The touristy gloss. The kidnapping/roofie argument is the same nonsense my parents used to justify not letting my sister and me go to slumber parties but my brothers could go on trips to Europe. Conversely, if he came home with the same news, my response would be, Thats great! You really really need to have those shirts washed in that way? By in linseneintopf mit kartoffeln. Your house is on fire, it doesnt matter if you wash the car or not. Im sure he must have good qualities, but this isnt one of them. I deeply hope that he is just sort of neurotic and doesnt handle it very well. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Kidnappings, someone spiking your drink, etc. I dont know if this is a sexist response from jealousy? So, considering that this issue really could be either one, I suppose its no wonder were seeing a lot of both here and it feels like they arecompeting? The best parts of Vegas arent actually in town. He could also stand some counselling, Im sure, but you need his buy-in for that. In fact, Ive been on more trips without my partner than I have with him! And Hunter Thompson and Oscar Acosta are dead anyway. My husband would answer that question with Only if its inside. Husband is not fair when it comes to my family (his inlaws). I wasnt allowed to take late classes in school bc good girls dont stay out after dark. And insanely good airline availability and inexpensive flights. Ha, my team at Exjob traveled all the time (consultants) and they said the only thing good about it was the FF miles and points. Whether hes choosing them consciously or not, hes certainly trying to use them as a weapon to manipulate his wife into doing what he wants. Its tough but definitely not impossible. Because a healthy, loving partner does not do this. My legs were killing me and I my throat was sore :(! But we had conversations where we discussed what I was doing to stay safe, and we had agreed upon methods of checking in (calling / texting at certain reasonable times, for example). fractured ending scene; harold bornstein obituary cause of death; can you play volleyball with a torn acl; gambar teguh sugianto. I think the conversation is worth having. Yes, he needs to settle down, and no, Im not suggesting she sacrifice her career because he is stressed, but it really is BOTH their problem. She didnt ask permission to go on a business trip this week, because I understand that her work travel is non-negotiable. Im going on a business trip to Vegas in a few weeks and Im grateful the conference is there rather then other difficult travel to destinations. Ive done that before too, and it was invaluable in setting healthy boundaries in a sane, functional manner. So I get the safety concern. The main drag did not feel dangerous to me at all. Our daughter will be three months Old and she always falls asleep in the car. Hes worried the worst would happen: I cheat, someone spikes my drink, someone kidnaps me He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go. And theres more but I here these comments and the whole story wasnt told. And I asked to go but thats out of the question. I love it when my husband goes camping with the guys. There were also a TGI Fridays, a Hard Rock Cafe and a Coldstone Creamery. A Group Owner is a member that has initiated the creation of a group to connect with other members to share their journey through the same pregnancy & baby stages. Sounds great. A decade? I went for the first time over the summer. Sometimes its hard to realize that the smaller part of an issue youre focusing on is actually part of something bigger, and you need someone else to alert you to that. I hope that isnt what this turns out to be, but whatever it is, its not good. My husband and I went for our honeymoon, we had so much fun just walking through all of the hotels and people-watching, plus saw some really great shows. Just because some of the people in that culture are ok with it doesnt mean its magically not controlling behavior because its culture/religion. Just dont! as a 1000 decibel chorus of YES! But to throw the baby out with the bath water is beyond ridiculous. The compromise? And yeah, if one doesnt leave the primary resort where the conference is, almost zero worry of bad experiences/people. Okay, I've been chewing on this for a few weeks. Roller coasters! Hmm. Im so glad to see this response here. Rationalist who is deeply against living by social norms is a great big flashing warning sign that says DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THIS PERSON. From the OPs subsequent posts, it sounds like they did agree with the husband, and that shes in an area where thats a more common approach. Dont give him information that he will then twist (anxiety twists everything) and dont waste your time or your energy you need that for other things. I mean, marriage counseling could still be useful, but an anxiety screening, too. For another, unless the husband is a lot more clever than it seems from the letter and follow ups, a good counselor would be useful to the OP, even if it is abuse. Group Leaders communicate with staff moderators and escalate potential violations for review, but they dont moderate discussions. it says they WOULD even let their significant others go, not wouldnt! In fact, couples counseling can be a useful path to helping a partner address individual issues that are affecting the partnership. If I had to plan something like this myself, itd be at the top of my list for a lot of very practical reasons. His parents are awful. Or hes over-reporting the level of agreement he got? Youre not asking for permissionyoure telling him this is what youve decided. The non-work things generally arent my cup of tea and if I want shows/museums/food Ill go to NY, London, Paris, Istanbul. Theres other stuff to when she was in Vegas last she dressed differently and the way she talked to me. Eh, sex work is legitimate work. Thanks for the partially chewed chili on my keyboard. It sure could be, also its pretty weird that hes getting such a homogenous I would NEVER let my spouse go on a trip to Vegas for their job response from everyone hes discussed this with. Hyperbole and feigned hysteria are not the same thing. When I first started at my last full-time job, a coworker and I were both sent to Washington DC for a three-day conference to learn our jobs (wed both started around the same time, in a very niche legal field). Thats an unreasonable stance. The counseling would then help them sort out their individual issues as well as provide them tools to handle the communitys judgment as well. Its the relationship version of all of the my boss wont let me resign letters! He never once demanded I not go, or made me miserable the whole length of my trip, just because hed be less anxious if I was home. It is okay for you to make normal daily choices even if your husband feels anxious about them. He definitely is the one that needs the work, but ideally I would think they should have both couples sessions and individual sessions for him. Umm, so Im not sure how to say this in away that wont come off snarky, so let me apologize in advance for not be able to think of a good way to word this: This was not a questions for AAM. HE is the one who needs counseling; going together would send the message that its an us issue. Last I time I checked 2017 hadnt fully turned into The Handmaids Tale and women were allowed to travel for work without permission from their husband. I mean, were talking about adults going on a business trip so wholesome shouldnt even come into it. Something tells me that his unofficial polling of his friends went something like this: Husband: Oh my god, can you believe the irresponsible way in which my wifes employer is taking them on a conference to Vegas. Marriage counseling is the only way you save this. The reason companies go there is because theres big convention centers and lots of cheap flights. I went shopping. Not like us isnt automatically the same thing as toxic.. Leave your phone on silent. oh, and the dancing fountains at the Bellagio. Make sure that appointment is booked. You just reminded me that a lot of Mormon fundamentalist families live in the suburbs of Vegas because people dont bother polygamist families out there like they do in Utah. Yup. Flights and hotels are cheap, because of the focus on tourists everything is really convenient for travelers, the food is good, there are great conference facilities. Also it can help having an objective outsider there. Also, if the OP is there for work, chances are shell be in meetings all day and then answering emails in her room at night. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationmobile homes for rent in patterson, la. It reminds me of what my parents always said to stop me doing things. It is. You dont deserve to be treated that way. What happens in Vegas was a successful ad campaign that ran its course a long time ago, not a requirement for how to treat the trip. He would be excited, even. If this is a regular occurrence, it could be indicative of a larger problem, such as marital strife. Its partially a trust issue, and partly the horrible stories some people tell themselves. Yup, agreed. People buy life insurance for people they love all the time, and dont tell them to stay at home all the time to avoid the risks. This is bound to make them curious and excited. I mean, we really cant say from the letter which it is, but its so easy to read into it either anxiety or controlling/toxic depending on what weve personally experienced. Thank you for acknowledging that this is not normal and is something you can work on. On the other hand, the OP could surely use some help in setting some reasonable boundaries and communicating as effectively as possible in the circumstances. Companies dont plan things in Vegas to put their employees at risk. OP, this is HIS issue, not yours. I think OP and her husband are from a more conservative background. A little bit, mostly to servers who thought I might be lonely and often came over to chat while I was having dinner. Dont even consider that risking your job is a reasonable option here your job isnt the problem. Ah, sorry, didnt say they were the only two choices! By letting him chaperone her once I worry that now hell believe this is reasonable and that he should chaperone all future work travel then all interactions with male colleagues, in public, etc. Not everything is OMG READ GIFT OF FEAR!!! Ioverheard mymother-in-law say, Did she really have nowhere else togo. It is ideally set up to host conferences. Irrational fears are just a normal part of life, especially in these days of social media and around-the-clock news coverage, but when they either start holding you back from doing things you want/need to do or start negatively affecting the people in your life, thats a sign youve stepped over the line of normal and should seek help finding that line again.